"I'm not sure what I'll do, but -- well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale."
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace and Other Stories
Like most writers, Fitzgerald's writings reflect his thoughts and his intuitions. I always greatly admired the way he spoke and wrote. When I read "The Great Gatsby" or other excerpts I see from him, I feel a very personal connection to him and the way he is, even though he lived a century ago from me currently. I'd like to offer my personal philosophy on life and give a short insight into my sensibility.
I was born ambitious and with a clear perception of who I am and where I am going in life. In second grade I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and my response was always the same thing: "I want to be a teacher Monday to Wednesday, a dog breeder Thursday to Friday, and a famous author on the weekends." In my mind, I was fully capable and willing to hold three careers. I was seven. Although I soon gave up my dream of breeding dogs when I realized I didn't like the smell, it's interesting to look back and realize I'm living my dreams right now and becoming exactly what I was born to be and what my ambitious seven-year-old self imagined. This speaks volumes to myself now as I develop and grow and embrace the dreamer inside me. Like Fitzgerald's quote, I picture myself living a life full of rich experiences, never ending opportunities, and eternal growth. This, I believe, is the big scale Fitzgerald refers to.
As a born idealist, I truly believe anything is possible. Change your thoughts, you can change the world and one person can make a difference. It is possible to be ambitious and get what you want, but also be soft and loyal in your relationships. Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite authors as well, because his philosophy is very similar to mine. He states, "Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more." Self-mastery is the greatest of all trials. Once we rule the way we think and feel, conquering our dreams become a lot easier.
I also believe that our dreams come to us a size too big so that we can grow into them. When I was sixteen, I made a vow with my best friend that we were going to move to New York together after high school. He was going to pursue business and I was going to be a big-time journalist whom everyone knew and wanted me to write for them. We were going to live in the same apartment complex in downtown New York City and I was going to live on the floor above him. Looking back, that seems a little big or intense for a sixteen year old to dream, and though I have gained practicality and maturity with age, I still look back on that dream I had and just smile, because if it wasn't for me hoping and dreaming constantly I wouldn't be who I am today. Dreams can change and a lot don't follow through, but it never means that we should give up or stop dreaming. Dream your wildest of dreams, even if they don't come true, and make something work that fits your lifestyle and means. Even for big dreamers and idealists for me, there always needs to be balance in life. I suppose that's the yoga, mantra aspect of my personality too.
My senior year of high school is when I really developed my passion for English Literature. I told myself sitting in class one day and studying Wordsworth that I was going to go to England. I was going to go after my second year of college and study the historical sites. I was determined and never lost that spark of devotion. Now here I am, two and a half years later, and a month away from living my dream of traveling to what could be my most favorite place in the world. In my interview with the English faculty of BYU-Idaho, they asked me a lot of questions but one part of that interview sticks out in my mind every time when I reflect on these past six months of preparation. They asked me what made me want to go take this 3 week trip to visit the British Iles. I told them about my experience with English Literature and while slapping my hand on their table, I specifically said, "I told myself when I was eighteen years old that I was going to live my dreams and be successful. I told myself I'm going to go to England. So, I'm going to England." A little surprised, they smiled, and a week later I was accepted into their program.
If I have any final words I can leave with my readers, it is to take what I said into consideration and realize that anything is possible. If you want something bad enough, I promise you you will get it. It will take hard work, it will take dreaming and planning, and it will take many tries, but your dreams will come true. If you desire to travel, save and travel. If you want to be successful and get ahead in school or your career, nothing is stopping you. If you want to meet different kinds of people and develop your cultural awareness, go out, talk, and do. It is possible no matter where you live or who you are. Kick yourself, and make it happen.
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